My life is good. I live in a gorgeous area and take photos of my surroundings nearly every morning (and put it on my Instagram). I appreciate many, many things and people, beginning with my husband and our cats, and including my family, friends and many acquaintances, the roof over our head, the part-time job I have (and the paycheck that goes with it) and our community.
Most of the time, I know it in my bones. I’m blessed.
Today, I still know it… but I also know that I need to be very, very careful. The change in seasons brings problems with breathing and my migraines… aches and pains… and depression and anxiety. If I’m not careful, it can spiral out of control. Quickly.
You wouldn’t know it to look at this post, but I had another one all ready to go before it… literally, all but a few words were written. There were many paragraphs about every darned thing that’s going on and wrong in my world. I chose the photo that’s featured because it’s dark. It’s also haunting… I love it… one of my absolute favorites. But it’s also dark… and darkness was filling my soul. I wrote stream-of-consciousness… on and on and on… that post was… the mother of all pity parties!
And speaking of my mother… she called. God bless her! She listened to me bitch and complain, curse and growl, moan and lament about it all.
I’m better now. Thanks, Mom! ❤
As is probably obvious by now, I deleted the first post and started over. Oh, that it were so easy with depression and anxiety, eh? Yes, I feel better… I don’t feel like sharing my pain anymore… but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I just see it differently than I did an hour ago… it’s lighter. I’m able to carry it. For now, anyway.
The *circumstances* are NO different from where they were an hour ago… it is I who am different.
Because I let off some steam, yes… but mostly because I was heard. And not just by anyone… by my mother.
I hadn’t planned to “go here” today but as so often happens, “here” is where I have landed. Come with me…
I like the word “landed” because it feels like a bird… and that’s kinda how I see my mother and myself. We are two birds who shared the same sky for many years but didn’t land on the pier to marvel at sunsets together. We were too busy flying through the storms of the life we shared (and in some cases, created).
It wasn’t until later that we realized we had very much in common… so much to talk about… and you know, it could have been too late. But it wasn’t … and it still isn’t. I am incredibly grateful for the relationship we’ve built, here on the end of the pier. We’ve seen many beautiful sunsets… and I will never forget them.
Now, when I look at my featured photo… I see the light and the empty bench, beckoning. I have so much to be thankful for…
Little mushy today, I know. Can’t be helped. I was miserable. Now I feel blessed. Just a shift… but oh, so powerful.